Have you ever asked yourself what keeps you from loving and honoring your spouse the way God has asked of you? Is it because you don't think they are worthy of receiving your best? Is it because you can't imagine freely giving something that you feel has to be earned? Or, is it because you're more concerned about your individual well-being and happiness rather than the fulfilling joy that marriage brings you both?
I ask because boy do Nicole and I remember those days. Paralyzed by our past failures and shortcomings we constantly lived in the tension of what had been and what we desired to be daily. We had a love for one another, but as with many other areas of life, in our marriage, we both had things that we brought in from our past that we were extremely ashamed of.
The lack vulnerability was something that prohibited us from receiving God's best. The blind spots in our marriage were because of our inability, to be honest with self first, which made it difficult to be completely vulnerable with one another. There were numerous areas that we secretly struggled with that hindered us from experiencing the closeness we desperately longed for. Our issues weighed so heavily on our marriage that we reached the point where we seriously considered calling it quits.
If we were going to make our marriage work, we had to be willing to do something different and take a risk. Being vulnerable with one another was extremely uncomfortable in the beginning. Honestly, it was something that we had never done. We found that our vulnerability, prove to be the very thing that helped us to draw closer to God and each other. I'm reminded of Jesus in probably one of the most vulnerable moments of His life. In the garden of Gethsemane just prior to His betrayal, and amongst His closest friends, we see Jesus' vulnerability.
Then he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me.” And going a little farther he fell on his face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” Matthew 26:38-39
Your vulnerability is a great strength, and vital to the success of any marriage. Here are a few things that God wants you to experience as you open your hearts to one another.
1. Healing from your past - Christ has made it possible for us to receive forgiveness through prayer, by going directly to God and confessing our faults. By taking these small steps with your spouse, you'll eventually build the confidence to achieve the love and intimate companionship you deserve. Don't let your past keep your marriage from the precious promises that await you.
"Confess your faults one to another and, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much. James 5:16
"As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us." Proverbs 103:12
2. Harmony in your marriage - Believe that you're worthy of receiving all that your spouse has to offer. See yourself being open and honest moving towards securely expressing your emotions and inadequacies without the fear of shame or weakness. Keep from letting the fear of exposing your God-given identity drive you from your spouse rather than drawing you closer than ever.
"Can two walk together, except they are agreed?" Amos 3:3
"Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow, but woe unto him that is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
3. Wholeness by completely trusting God - Vulnerability begins with submitting your marriage to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Forgiving your spouse regularly, and covering them with the Word of God in prayer. Open your heart and mind and let God be the guide as you submit your marriage to His care. There's not an area in your marriage that God doesn't seek to restore and make whole daily.
But the God of all grace, who has called us unto His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast. 1 Peter 5:10
Always be mindful, that the enemies primary focus is to destroy your marriage by making you doubt God and your spouse. Every attempt is to rob you of God's best for your future together, cast doubt and fear over your choice to love and cherish your spouse, and to ultimately dismantle your relationship. But, here's the awesome thing about God. He's committed to honoring and protecting your marriage. He's moved by compassion toward us, and He's always full of Grace and Truth.
"And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only-begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." John 1:14
He has set the supreme example. This speaks to the faithfulness of God and how he sees your marriage. Not only did He give us His Word, but He came to demonstrate as a living example, of how we are to love our spouse. See your marriage as the Gospel in action and God wants it to thrive!